Gaza account: ‘Almost all our energies go towards trying to survive’

I am a resident of Al Maghazi camp. It’s in Gaza where I grew up and I’m proud of that.

Since I was a child, every day I learn about another Palestinian martyred, wrongfully taken prisoner, or attacked by racist Israeli forces.

I have gone through many difficult wars in Gaza, with my family and friends. We were never at peace on any given day and we lost many loved ones.

Especially difficult are the internal disputes and problems that the illegal Israeli occupation has created among people in Gaza, with the aim of undermining unity among us. They want to weaken us as much as possible.

We Palestinians, however, still and will always resist Israel. It is trying by all means to attack us, restrict our movements, worsen its blockade on Gaza by preventing humanitarian aid necessary for life from entering, destroying Gaza with heavy artillery, displacing everyone here – part of its ultimate aim of ethnically cleansing the Palestinian people.

I feel so much of the world was not aware of any of this, how it’s been happening constantly until the last few years.

Jobs in Gaza have long been scarce. Those who do have one often work very hard but get hardly anything in return. They remain poor all their lives. And because they’re working so hard and worrying about having even enough to eat, they’re not able to think about sharing their stories with the world, the terrible harm Israel inflicts on them. Almost all their energies go towards trying to survive.

They have not surrendered and we, as a people, will not surrender. With God’s grace and steadfastness, we – through phones, computers, other technologies – have exposed the truth of the occupation. We are still doing so, despite all the occupation’s attempts to spin fake news, mislead the international community about the truth, prevent social media from showing the terrible suffering of the Palestinian people – as Israel now perpetrates genocide against us.

I have been working since I was young and trying to learn the English language so that I can convey the voice of the Palestinian people to the outside world.

I’ve talked with people who are Arabs and from neighbouring countries. They could not believe that I’m barred by Israel from going to Jerusalem or outside Gaza.

It’s in moments like these I realise how much news media and social media is under the control of Zionists.

If they have the material means, most people can go to Jerusalem, Al Aqsa Mosque, and parts of the occupied Palestinian territories. But we here in Gaza don’t have that freedom. The reason is simple: we are Palestinians and we are from Gaza.

Long before October 7, we were suffering, under Israeli siege, and restrictions. The current Israeli war on Gaza has intensified that, changed our lives in ways that can’t fully be described. On the one hand this has made us much stronger but, for as long as we live, we will remain traumatised. We carry deep pain in our hearts.

Things in Gaza seem like they used to be a billion times better than they are now. Prior to the war there was always some hope for tomorrow. We would make plans. But a lot of us have given up on that. The war never seems to end. We are forgetting the details of our lives before October 7. Some of us still remember them and occasionally we sit together and reminisce about them too.

We also remember the days of previous wars, they were difficult, but they do not compare to these days, nor the traumas – as individuals and as a people – we’ve been forced to endure. They have completely destroyed our lives.

Whatever hope is left among us doesn’t do much to heal our hearts. Only the will of God can do that.

We have seen the people closest to us, our loved ones, our friends and our neighbours cut into pieces. We dug with our own hands through rubble in order to save those still alive. We’ve picked up the pieces of our family members and friends.

We will never forget that.

Life is one worry after the next: Where will you spend the night? Escape the bitter cold? Where will you find water? Where will you go to the bathroom? How will you feed yourself and others? When is it best to eat the one meal a day you have (and sometimes there’s not even that)? How will you get wood for fire to cook food? Where can I find food for the starving baby crying?

What used to be pretty simple things have, on most days, become complicated.

I get very anxious when I go somewhere and have to leave my family members for a while. At any moment, I think, they might all be killed without me being there. I would come back and find them in pieces or under the rubble.

There are thousands of stories of Palestinians experiencing just that.

Even if you’re away from your family and your family members are fine, you often cannot know that for sure. Phone and other means of communication are cut off by Israel for days, weeks. This also makes it especially hard to learn what’s happened to loved ones, whose location we no longer know. It makes my anxiety much worse.

Sometimes I can't believe what's happening is real. I wonder if it’s a nightmare and if I need to wake up.

How has everything been destroyed? Every place you’ve known, have memories of, street you used to love driving and walking on, place you used to work at – destroyed? How have some homes suddenly disappeared?

We know very well that many people in the world stand by us and demand an end to the war, Israeli-led genocide that we go through daily.

But we know very well too that no one outside Gaza truly feels or understands the experience of that. The level of cruelty Israel has inflicted on us here.

Every single day is tough. We don’t enough provisions to sustain life. Scarcity forces up the prices of things. A pack of diapers can be $100 USD. We’ve no security that the little we have will be there when we wake in the morning.

It’s so hard to sleep. Whole families have to do so outside, in the cold. There are homeless children everywhere. Graves are crowded. I see blood flowing around me.

The war is not just physical. It’s mental. Israel commits psychological warfare against our thinking, keeps us sad, anxious, depressed through their merciless bombing of every street and house. It’s barbaric. So many innocent people are being killed and not a moment of respite.

Then there’s the battle within yourself of trying to make the right decision, regarding things that should be simple but are not. Choosing to head to one location with your family, instead of another, might mean you all die.

The international community must act to stop genocide immediately, help reconstruct Gaza, open all crossings into the territory and break the siege on it. It must also hold Israel accountable for the crimes it has committed against Palestinians. This will never be enough to heal our hearts but it will bring us closer to freedom, which everybody is entitled to. Without that, no one can be happy.

We will not, however, wait for the international community to resist Israel. That will continue for until the last person here is alive. And as long as the occupation maximises its efforts to control the lives of the people in Gaza, attack us, our women, our sheiks, our honour, there will be another explosion as happened on October 7. We will defend everything we can til none of us are left.

We were hoping that the International Court of Justice would order the end the Israeli occupation of our land, or at least decide to stop the genocide immediately. Unfortunately that did not happen.

I am completely confident that justice is only in heaven, with God

Every day we try to reassure our children and tell them that they will survive, that the war is about to end. But I write this on the 125th day of the war. We hope the s genocide will stop as soon as possible.

There are thousands of people in Gaza who feel as if every day is a year. Thousands trapped without water, food, shelter. Every day children die and are torn into pieces. The horror is unfathomable.

I see well that there are many good people around the world, so we still have hope that the situation in Gaza will improve one day. Still I believe the leaders of the world, siding with Israel, need to be overthrown. If that does not happen, there will only be more destruction of Palestinian life, wars, blood, violence against us.

What is happening to us, I wish on no one.

People of the world: if Palestine is allowed to be crushed by Israel, expect similar to happen elsewhere. Why would Israel or those that support it stop with Gaza?

To everyone who has let us down, we will not stop defending our people, our land, and our children. We will fight until our last breath and, before God, we will not forgive those complicit in our destruction.

To the good, do not stop demanding justice for Gaza, to save what’s left of it and Palestine. Don't become desensitised to the news. Many children, women, and elderly people are still alive and they are trying to survive too. They have not given up.

I hope that people stop the export of weapons from their country’s ports, airports, trade facilities – any way they can. This may be the strongest means of pressure on the Israeli occupation and force it to stop the genocide.

All weapons obtained by this occupation target civilians and children, and Israel is pursuing a brutal strategy of killing as many as possible.

Don't stop praying for Gaza.

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To avoid reprisal, the author of this article wishes to remain anonymous.