Why New Year resolutions so often end in failure

January 1 is almost upon us. A new year, a new, much improved you is just around the corner. Or is it? Right now, millions, if not billions, of people around the world are busy making New Year resolutions. Many of these people will fail, and fail miserably. The question, though, is why?

Oscar Wilde compared resolutions to “checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.” In other words, resolutions are built on a foundation of empty words, totally devoid of any actual substance. Our mouths end up writing checks that our bodies and minds simply can’t cash.

Of course, some people make resolutions and stick to them, But they are in the minority.

What are the most common resolutions people make? John Norcross, a professor of psychology at the University of Scranton and an expert in decision making, shared his research findings with TRT World.

“Resolutions,” he said, "run the gamut of self-improvement, but the vast majority concern (1) health, such as losing weight, starting exercise, and stopping smoking, (2) money, such as improving finances and getting a new job, and (3) relationships, directly or indirectly."

Why do so many people make commitments, often in good faith, but fail to actually honour them?

There are many reasons, but one of them involves planning. More specifically, our inability to plan accordingly. Humans are very poor long-term planners, largely because we view our future selves as different people - strangers, if you will.  As the author Susannah Locke has noted, “the more you view your future self as a distinct entity from your current self, the more likely you are to put off tasks (like saving for retirement) that will benefit you in the long term.”

We tell ourselves that the ‘me’ of tomorrow will be a stronger, fitter, more responsible person, very different from the ‘me’ of today. One needn’t be a psychologist to see how such thinking can lead a person down a dead-end road. Such thinking - part delusional, part idealistic - is totally devoid of reason. Without a high degree of discipline and brutal honesty in your life, success is not possible.  

Amy Morin, a psychotherapist and the editor-in-chief of Verywell Mind, told TRT World that people so often fail because there is a “pressure to create a resolution based on the date of the calendar, rather than a true readiness to change.” 

Other people, she added, “declare a resolution without a concrete plan for how they'll make it happen. There's also the tendency to create vague resolutions. Saying you want to be 'happier' or 'healthier' doesn't mean much. How will you measure it or what action will you take to make that happen?”

Can resolutions ever be dangerous? Morin thinks so. “Resolutions can be dangerous in several ways. Someone who decides to quit drinking, might try to stop cold turkey. If they have a physical dependence on alcohol, their resolution could place them at risk of health issues or even death.” 

Moreover, she warned, resolutions “can also be dangerous to our mental health. Some people might create nearly impossible goals and then beat themselves up when they don't achieve them. This creates a vicious cycle that can be hard to break.”

Internal motivation

Psychological research (and common sense) have shown that humans are reluctant to change. We are creatures of comfort. Does this affect our ability to, say, lose 20 pounds, secure a new job, or save more money? Morin discussed the ways in which humans tend to “trade short-term comfort for the long-term satisfaction of reaching a goal.” 

We crave the familiar, eating “the same foods, going to the same places, and doing the same things feels comfortable. Creating change requires a fair amount of discomfort and most people go to great lengths to avoid discomfort.”

To quote the eminently quotable Benjamin Franklin, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.” Morin appears to agree with America’s founding father. “Planning is a huge part of sticking to a resolution. It's important to know how you'll handle obstacles or how you'll deal with changes to your schedule.” Develop real-life solutions for real-life scenarios. 

“For example,” added Morin, “if you plan to eat dinner at home most meals but your friends invite you to a restaurant, what will you do? Developing a plan can help you stay on track.” Lastly, the road to change is a perilous one, littered with obstacles and pesky potholes, so “be kind to yourself when you make mistakes. And reward yourself for hitting smaller milestones along the way.”

Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist, bestselling author and performance coach, told TRT World that a person should set the resolution for themselves “and not for someone else or to fulfill societal expectations. Internal motivation is far more powerful and lasting than externally driven motives." 

According to Alpert, "it doesn't make sense to strive for a size 2 just because it's the style du jour. Your resolution should meet your needs, not those of others.” Resolutions should come from an organic place, inspiring us “to strive toward something positive, such as a feeling of wellness, rather than out of desperation or guilt after a night of indulgence on one too many pastries. " On, "if you want to succeed," noted Alpert, "it has to be realistic." So, "forget about the size two dress if you're eight sizes bigger.” Be realistic. If your goal is to compete in a triathlon, but you struggle to jog 500 meters, then “break the larger end goal into manageable smaller ones.” 

If weight loss is the goal and, say, “you want to lose 15 pounds, set a realistic goal for every week. Working toward and achieving it will provide internal motivation to continue your pursuit.” 

Like Morin, Alpert believes that we should reward ourselves as we achieve each goal – “not with ice cream, but with something healthy, such as a massage or trip to the spa.” 

How you frame a resolution is of the utmost importance. Alpert urges readers to frame resolutions in a positive way. “The more you focus on not doing something, the more your brain will want it. Rather than saying, ‘I'm not going to eat junk again,’ say: ‘I'm going to improve my diet by adding healthy foods such as whole-grain cereal and replacing soda with water.’” 

In this age of instant gratification and desire for quick fixes, Alpert urged readers to keep the following in mind: "you didn't get to look or feel how you do overnight, therefore you shouldn't expect to see dramatic changes in just a few weeks. Just as you wouldn't go out and run 26 miles every day to train for a marathon, you shouldn't attempt to lose 20 pounds in a month. Know that every day will bring you closer to your goal if you remain persistent and determined, even through difficult or unmotivated days.”

Finally, the mind is the most powerful weapon you possess. “Realise the significant role your mind plays in your effort to shape up this year. Though promises of dramatic weight loss via the Paleo diet or fat burning tea are enticing, they don't speak to the moments when decisions are made -- the times of stress, loneliness, or boredom when one is most likely to reach for the Pringles or Haagen-Dazs. Make a distinction between feeding your body and feeding your emotions and find alternative ways of handling stress, such as psychotherapy, yoga, or exercise.”

So, there you have it. A better you in 2022 is very much possible. But for this new you to materialise, patience, persistence, discipline and honesty are required. Don’t procrastinate. Be calm, put down the ice cream, and move forward, one step at a time.